Friday, September 30, 2005

I knew... Terror in our daily lives.

I knew when the doorbell rang, there would be no one at the door. I knew that for the second time in 2 weeks  I would be opening my door to nothing.

When I opened the door, no person was there (as expected). However, something much greater was waiting for me in the emptiness. I was greeted by the collected pain of a childhood spent as a victim.

A childhood with highlights like hundreds of prank calls. Cars and landscaping damaged and destroyed by vandals. And yes, doorbells ringing with no one there.

There in the lawn, if I dare call it that, was the evidence. Footprints and bicycle tracks. Going directly to the backyard of my neighbor.  Add a backyard full of boys (who are known to be bullies to my daughter) and I don't think we need to call in Galileo to figure this one out.

To paraphrase South Park: I have learned something today, I have created a victim.

I don't know how I decided it. But I know it's true. She has years of torture ahead. I am searching for any evidence that a child, once bullied, ever stops being the target of the bully (Other than feel good after school movies) and I can't find it.  The reality is, she has 10 years of pain to look forward to- and that's only going to take her through High school.

Since I have been living this kind of life, I was wondering if it's worth it. Has there been a single moment that was so good to make me think it was worth going through the fire.  My answer, unfortunately, is no.  Not only that, but the pain continues. I continue to be a victim to those who are bullies and now I get to relive it all through my daughters eyes.

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